You Own Nothing, Sucker!
You Will Own Nothing (And You’ll Probably Still Be Charged for It)
Remember when you could just… own things? Like, actually own them? Crazy concept, right? But these days, ownership is so last century. Why buy when you can subscribe? Why possess when you can lease? Who needs control over their own stuff when a faceless megacorporation can charge you a monthly fee for the illusion of control?
Music? You don’t own it. You rent it from a streaming service that can pull your favorite album faster than you can say “where did my playlist go?” Movies? Forget about it. The golden age of DVDs is long gone—now you just get the privilege of endlessly scrolling through streaming options, only to find that the one movie you actually want to watch has been removed “due to licensing agreements.” Software? Hope you enjoy paying a monthly fee for that word processor you used to be able to own outright. Oh, and cars? Buckle up, because now your heated seats come with a monthly charge. That’s right. Want to keep your tush warm in winter? That’ll be $9.99 a month, peasant.
How did we get here? Simple: corporations realized that ownership gives you power. And they can’t have that. If you own something, they can’t take it away. But if you’re merely a humble subscriber, well—welcome to the land of arbitrary price hikes, paywalls, and digital evictions. They control what you see, what you hear, what you play, and even what you create. It’s a never-ending treadmill of microtransactions, a dystopian funhouse where your wallet is permanently open, and the exit is just behind this next subscription tier upgrade.
And the worst part? We just… accepted it. “Oh, I guess that’s just how things are now.” NO. That’s not how things have to be. This isn’t progress—it’s an elaborate heist where we’re the victims and the getaway car is a luxury electric vehicle that requires a subscription to unlock the glove compartment.
But don’t worry, you will pay. Because they’ve made sure you don’t have a choice. Want to listen to music? Pay up. Want to watch movies? Pay up. Want to do literally anything on the internet? That’ll be $14.99 a month (plus fees, taxes, and your eternal soul).
So what’s the solution? It’s simple: own stuff again. Buy physical media. Buy books. Buy DVDs, CDs, and vinyl. If they can’t delete it from a server, they can’t take it from you. Cancel the subscriptions that nickel-and-dime you into submission. Cook your own meals instead of forking over $20 for a DoorDash delivery fee that costs more than the food itself. Learn to fix things instead of constantly replacing them. The more you own, the less they own you.
Freedom isn’t in unlimited access—it’s in knowing that what you have can’t be erased, paywalled, or “discontinued” overnight. Take back your time, your money, and your independence. And hey, if all else fails, you can always subscribe to the idea of liking and subscribing to Egotastic FunTime. Because that’s what you should be doing anyway. Love you. Bye bye.
